Monday, January 6, 2014

Side Effects or Suffering for a Good Cause?

Yes, I realize that it is a totally artificial distinction, but to maintain my sanity, I mentally separate the drug side effects from "real" early pregnancy symptoms. Of course they overlap, and it is impossible to tell whether they're side effects or early pregnancy symptoms. To try and keep my hopes from getting too high, I have to keep telling myself that they are just side effects. The down side is that I have a harder time considering side effects as suffering for a good cause; if I actually were pregnant, I would have no problem dealing with the fatigue, strange appetite, periodic queasiness, slowed digestion, and (maybe) sore boobs, since the discomfort would be for a wonderful reason. (As a side note, the sore boobs are driving me mildly bonkers; I am not a small busted woman to begin with, so having them feel larger and heavier isn't fun. To top it off, it hurts if I wear a bra; it hurts if it don't wear a bra. I just can't win. It's even interfering with my ability to fall asleep. I have a small number of bras that are less uncomfortable, but there are only 5 or so. I am stubbornly refusing to buy more bras to deal with stupid side effects.)

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before, but I am one of those people who always suffers from side effects (not the heart attack/stroke/death/blood clot level side effects, but if headaches, nausea, dizziness, fatigue, etc are possible side effects, it's a safe bet I will have them). At this point, I am at 2.25 months of menopausal symptoms (thank you, Clomid), and about 5 months of early pregnancy symptoms as side effects. Keeping track probably just adds to my crankiness, since let's face it, it's hard not to be cranky at side effects. They're called side effects for a reason, right? They're unintended and aren't really related to the purpose of the medicine. I'm trying to offer up my suffering up for a few people, but unfortunately, it isn't helping my attitude much.

Sadly, trying to think of them as side effects hasn't kept me from randomly asking my husband questions like "If we have succeeded, at one point would we adjust your withholding?" or "Does this mean we would need to pick a Christmas themed name?" (Peak day was December 26th. And yes, having peak day right around Christmas is not helping me keep my hopes down.) I've already been counting down how many days to get through until P+17 (next Sunday for those following along at home); Lord please grant me peace and patience!


  1. Hello, your peak day was Dec 26th? The feast day of St. Stephen?? If you are pregnant, and I am going to pray you are...wouldn't that be an awesome story!!!!!!!!! Prayers for you. And I am with you on the sore is not fun for those like us who are well endowed in that area. :( But again, I know you would gladly accept it all for a babe in the I am not trying to be flippant. Praying!!

  2. Prayers, lady. I'm right there with you on all this stuff!

  3. Oh I hear you on side effects, I usually get them too :( I remember the horrible breast tenderness, ugh. I got new bras because I wanted more comfy bras for sleeping and I learned to sleep on my side and not my stomach. The things we do because of IF! Praying for you!

  4. Those side effects are the worst, I hate how they are often similar to early pg symptoms. It would be way easier to deal with them if you knew you were pg. I was just talking with my SIL over Christmas. She is pg with #5 and has to do progesterone injections, but lucky for her she is GOING to HAVE A BABY! We have done countless injections and no baby.