Within an IF context, probably the two most common justs are
- Why don't you just do IVF?
- Why don't you just adopt?
Sometimes that "Why don't you just adopt?" is coupled to "And then you'll be pregnant in no time." I got that one during confession; needless to say, that wasn't one of my better experiences with the sacrament of reconciliation. (In a single context, it might be "Why don't you just join an online dating site?" or "You just need to lower your standards.")
That one little word, that four letter word completely changes the implication of the sentence. Instead of coming across as simple curiosity about your choices, it implies that this option is so obvious, so easy, that this person knows so much better than you do. How could you possibly not see that? (Gee, why didn't I think of that? [hits head against nearest hard surface]) As frustrating and annoying as those justs are, we should try to see that they come from a place of misinformation and ignorance. (In a singles context, just try to think about how long it's been since that person faced the cesspool of the dating world. Once you're done laughing, read on.)
If your information about IF and adoption came from People and the latest celebrity news, you would probably think it was that easy, too. Oh, who's had IVF lately? Twins, you say? Where have the Jolie-Pitts gone to pick up their latest child? (Okay, I'll admit that there is some snark in that summation, but it also describes the surface level of information many have with regards to IF and adoption.) If you just listened to the popular press, IVF is simple, easy, effective, and doesn't cost an arm and leg; while hopefully none of them think adoption is quite as easy as depicted in Despicable Me or Annie, most people will have no clue how much time, money, and red tape are involved.
As much as a challenge as it can be to stay calm and patient when you've been just-ed, it can be an opportunity to educate. I usually start with "There is no 'just' involved" then explain why their simple, straightforward option is nothing of the sort. There's one other thing we can do - police our own language and make sure that we aren't just-ing friends or family about their choices. Who knows, they might even thank you. If we're really lucky, we can start a movement and eliminate this unfortunate use of the word just.