Friday, August 16, 2013

"Fear is Easy, Love is Hard"

I love this song, which has challenged me to think about my fears.

I am afraid of:

  • rejection. (Despite being an extrovert, I am terrified of people not liking me or not fitting in.)
  • failing, over and over without end.
  • never having children.
  • that my cats will be my only "babies."
  • that I really will turn into a crazy cat lady.
  • losing myself during these struggles and not finding myself again.
  • giving up too much of what I enjoy, what makes life worthwhile, in the quest to have children.
  • becoming truly bitter and resentful of all that others have been blessed with that we do not have. 
  • not having a purpose other than being an example of what not to do.
  • IF damaging my relationships with my husband, family, and friends.
  • losing my faith in God.
  • withdrawing so far from life that I become a hermit, cut off from everyone and everything.

For me the hard part comes even before loving; the hard part is trusting. I struggle to trust God's plan and purpose for me. (Whether you consider IF part of God's plan or simply something that he permits, there is no denying that it is something that, if were His will, He could end at any time.)

At times I have struggled to trust that my infinitely patient and optimistic husband truly shares in the suffering that IF has caused. He doesn't often show it, even to me, which makes me doubt how it has affected him. (Granted, he also doesn't think about it as much as I do, but that may not be uncommon for men.)

With the casual, inadvertent hurts from family and friends that don't understand it becomes harder to trust them, harder to open up and ask for support.

Fear keeps us apart; it makes it harder to reach out and build relationships. It is only by overcoming it that we become stronger and more loving. 

What are you afraid of? And what is that fear keeping you from doing?


  1. That trust thing is absolutely terrifying sometimes. Some days I fear that this is it, this is the rest of my life. Those are the times when my house seems dead silent because it's just me, or the paperwork of my full time job is going to bury me. Sometimes it keeps me from living in the moment because I'm worried that it will always be like this, rather than just doing what I need to do right now.

    1. I know that feeling of it being too quiet... (except for the fact that I lived in an apartment building when I was single, so it wasn't always deadly quiet)

      It is so hard to put worrying aside and try to live in the moment. My husband claims I could medal in worrying.

      I'll keep you in my prayers!