Monday, February 15, 2016

Twenty Weeks

Honestly it sounds more like an answer to "How old is he?" or "How far along are you?" than  the answer to how long it takes to get a background check. But right now the FBI is taking about 20 weeks when you send them your fingerprints on a paper card. 

We pushed through mountains of paperwork, went through scads of medical tests, and have pestered friends and family to get references, all in the name of moving our home study along. The agency who will be doing our home study wanted all of it together, so once the giant heap of papers was done, I've mostly been waiting. Waiting and wondering and doubting - if this is truly what God wants us to be doing, shouldn't it be going better? Shouldn't we have peace and joy in our decision? 

Ironically, everyone else is beyond thrilled and excited for us. Realistically that's because they can simply focus on the end result; they don't have to worry about how long it takes for all these various steps or what needs to be done next. Most of the time I'm happy to answer questions and explain how we chose international adoption and Poland, but sometimes I have to admit that it's exhausting. Most people don't know anything about adoption or the different options, so they have a lot of questions. I want to answer their questions and help them become better informed, but it gets exhausting. So does the waiting and feeling helpless. It becomes far too easy to torture yourself with fears and hypotheticals with nothing to distract you. 

I've been trying to distract myself and keep busy; we're remodeling the bathroom. I'm going through and getting rid of a lot of stuff as I try and count down the weeks until Mr. Postman brings me my dream of completed background checks. 


  1. You can use a FBI-approved channeler and have your background check in three or four days. It costs a little bit more, but it's worth it in my opinion.

    1. Unfortunately our agency specifically told us to go directly through the FBI. We just had no idea it would be that big of a difference in lead times!

  2. Reading your post it seems that you are dragging yourself into adoption. It is normal to have doubts during the process and often one spouse is pushing more for adoption than the other one. But overall make sure that you both are fully 'on board' with adoption otherwise the risk is to bring in your family a child still considering him/her a second choice. Moreover if you lack unity in the decision of becoming parents through adoption it is very likely to have resentment or to push all the parenting duties only on one spouse after placement, particularly when the first difficulties will arise.

  3. It is absolutely normal to worry before such a huge and important step. I hope your worries will diminish by and by. Let the Lord be merciful to you and yours. Good luck with your bathroom updates! Hope it won't take much time and efforts.