Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Cousins and friends

I have six cousins, all on my mom's side; the oldest is 8 years older than me, and the youngest is a year older than my brother. I am the youngest of the three girls; we're clustered in the middle of the grandchildren. Though we didn't live that close to that side of my family, we saw my grandparents and my cousins at least three or four times a year while I was growing up. There are more pictures and videos of me playing with the E and J (the other granddaughters) and my brother playing with JM (the cousin a year older than him) than you can count. My grandfather really enjoyed breaking out those old, embarrassing videos when each of us brought our intended to meet the extended family. While I wouldn't say that it was something I thought much about, I guess I always assumed that my children would have cousins around the same age that they would grow up playing with.

I don't have the kind of close girl friends where we always expected to have our children around the same time and that our kids would be the best of friends. Once our friends started having kids, I thought that it would be nice if our children weren't too much younger, so they could play together when we visited those friends.

Our oldest nephew turned 13 this year. The bumper crop of children born the year we got married have either turned 5 or will be turning 5 shortly. Our youngest niece turned 1 this summer. Most of our family and friends are done having children. (The exceptions are other infertiles who are still trying.) While I know that many people make lots of new friends through moms' groups and other parents with children in the activities their children are in, it feels weird to know that if we do have children, they will be much younger than most of their cousins and our friends' children. The vast majority of our family and friends weren't that young when they had their children, so it feeds my fear of "Am I getting too old to be a mom?" It adds to my questioning of whether or not I still want children. Without trying to do so, I may have achieved indifference to whether or not we have children. That doesn't mean we're giving up trying or limiting what we're doing just yet (especially since my husband still feels strongly about having children), but it does mean that I am no longer crushed when the inevitable spotting that leads the way to day 1 appears. 


  1. I've thought the same thing! I was thinking one day about how young my kids' friends' parents would be compared to me, assuming I ever have kids.

  2. I guess the positive flipside is that you'd have friends and family with lots of advice about raising kids =) (ok, that could be a drawback too, depending on the advice...) I relate to what you're saying here. Our youngest nephew is turning 10, and while I think there's a good chance that my brother could have kids one day, there will definitely be a cousin age gap with the existing cousins if we ever have kids. I find it really hard to think about my friends' kids all having play-dates I usually don't =) I guess if we ever have kids, I'll be borrowing all their baby stuff and calling them to ask a million questions!

    Seems like an okay place to be when you're not completely undone by CD1's approach every month.

  3. That is a big step with regards to the arrival of AF! Praise God. I understand where your coming from, being an "older mom" than others. If we ever do have kids I often wonder if I will feel really out of place being older than the other moms in moms groups and in my community. But then I remember that the joy of having children will be worth any akwardness that comes.